Safety Tips: Protecting yourself from heavy heartaches

Over time, when you expect too much and know too little about the person you met online, there will come to disappointment. To protect yourself from being hurt, you need to be very careful and try to know him/her as a real person, as the person you know on the Internet might not be exactly the same as the person you meet in real life.

Be careful on the identity

It is never a bad idea to use Internet as a channel to meet new friends, but extra care must be taken. On the Internet, both parties can be insincere or can put on different roles or identities. It is very important to gradually learn more about each other and ascertain the true identity and character of the person in the interaction process.

When you really want to know more about someone and develop a real relationship in the real world, you then have to move from the virtual world to a real life setting. You need to be very careful and try to know him/her as a real person too. The person you know on the Internet might not be exactly the same as the person you meet in real life. Therefore, over time, when you have a real date with the person, you must be careful and try to learn more about the real person. Is he/she married? What is he/she looking for? These are the questions you need to ask.

Take things slowly

Please do not make an appointment immediately, even if you have been very familiar with him/her on the Internet. You are suggested ask for the telephone number and talk on the phone first. Please avoid giving him your phone number immediately. During your telephone conversation, you can at least distinguish from the voice whether he is male or female. Although he/she could use technology to change the pitch of his voice, you can at least get some preliminary information. Secondly, through the voice, tone, and word choice, you can get a rough idea of the age and see if there are any discrepancies from what he/she tells you. You can also know more about his/her work and educational background.

Choose the right place to meet

Select a public place when you want to meet. You should avoid a place near your home or your usual activity area, because you do not want to give others the opportunity to stalk you. It is better if you select a familiar public place and notify your family or friends of this date. Your family or friends might disapprove of this date, but if you assure them that you will be very careful, they might let you go.

When you first meet each other, please be very cautious and skeptical. Be a detective and try to figure out whether he or she is truthful. It is good for us to find out more about our new friends and their sincerity and truthfulness.

Be truthful in a relationship

If you stay in this relationship because you are afraid to hurt his/her feelings, and if you do not tell the other part your true feelings, you might in fact hurt him/her more because his/her feelings will deepen while s/he thinks that you are still in love with him/her. As well, if you continue to maintain this relationship, you will not be happy and you might miss out on opportunities to know and date people who suit you better. Therefore, you must be frank with him/her, end the relationship, and, if possible, try to be friends.

Don’t rush yourself into another romance

When a relationship is over, you will definitely feel unhappy. But you must remember, it takes two to have a relationship. Sometimes, you will love him/her and he/she will not love you. Other times, a person will love you and you will have lost interest in him/her. Therefore, you should let go of this broken relationship. If he/she does not love you, that is a personal choice and preference and definitely does not mean you are unworthy.

At this juncture, don't rush yourself into another romance. Take this opportunity to think through why this relationship did not work out. Try to pull yourself together and make some new friends. You will learn something from this experience and become more adept at handling the next relationship.

Be more observant in the future

If your previous online dating experience disappoints you, don’t give up. You can review how others interacted with you on the Internet in the first place. If the kind of person you met is not sincere or you both don’t share the same goal, this kind of person is usually very impatient and not very interested in knowing you as a person. He/she wants to meet you shortly after you have "chatted" with him on the Internet and takes advantage of you when you meet. You should remind yourself to be more observant and careful when making net-friends in the future.